Today as my reflection is focused on what is true thankfulness; there is a beautiful picture of what God did in my life to show me what true love is and how it exists. You see when I look back at my past and search the decades of growth and lessons, it came apparent to me that God wanted me to learn what love really was.
There is no reason on earth that my wife should be with me. There was a man there before God said enough was enough. Selfishness ruled my life. Life and its many temptations ruled by thoughts. There was nothing to love about me.
In my teens, my future started to take shape and the concept of love wasn't a Godly one. It consisted of me thinking that the more I did and the more money that I accumulated would somehow equate to being more loved. In my twenties, the belief that career success and bank account growth was all that mattered. Working 12-16 hour days in order to achieve the "easy life" would benefit my family. What I accomplished was not knowing any of my family.
You see, the belief that when I did things that were "good", I would be loved. So, therefore, it appeared to me that I was entitled and deserved many things. Because I was good in my mind. The reality was that I chased idols. Money, sex, control, and success were my thoughts in order to achieve that comfortable place where I would be loved and be loving.
In my thirties, God started to give me clues that were hidden to me. He allowed me to experience financial loss, marital destruction, and the loss of intimate relationship with people. I thought that because good things were done by me to others that the shallow display of love was going to grant me access to the desires of my heart.
Psalm 37:4 states, " Delight in the Lord, and He will grant you the desires of your heart." What is delighting in the Lord, a mentor asked me. The concept wasn't really important to me, because life was good to me. The focus of materialism and wealth were much more important to me.
Today, the reality of God is the focus of my attention. God gifted me a second chance, maybe in reality it was a 1000th chance. He is so good. God granted me the lesson that love is eternal and it exists in Him, and because of Him alone. When my life started to focus on pleasing Him; obeying Him and Him alone, then life started to offer fulfillment to my soul. You see I need to put Him first in all things, not just the things that I wished for.
My wife is a Christian. She is the person that God used to show me, to teach me what love really is in this life. You must understand that there is no reason for her to love me. I am unlovable. She is a child of God, a strong woman, that surrendered to God. She knew that God created a partnership with her and myself, bound by Him.
Today it is clear to me that she was used by God to have me focus on Him and Him alone. Thanks to my dear wife, I am walking in the Light.
Thank you Jesus.
